Today 16/7.....i really want to post this blog..wish i have the spirit to finished it and post it on...haha
My MUET result came out today....i get band 3 just like last years..just cant forget the feel at that time...suck?lame?...i 'm not sure how to describe..but what i know is my tears 'pop' out like it never end...like now....i'm notwish or aim to get band 5 or6...why i cant get band 4...WHY!!!....i .i just want scream now...or do anything to release my stress...><(do i stress now?)
Friends all suggest me to let it go....i want to do ..but i just cant.....i remember yesterday night,i saw a friends msn message..which say something.."be myself"....seems critic to me..i dont even know what who is myself or how is my true personality.....am i fake in front of my frens, and my family?i dunno..or i'm not sure..sometimes..or..i do always hide my feeling in front of all..i angry but i show i'm not..i'm confuse..but i show i'm not..i only show upset to them when i really cant handle anymore...i remember that i have told 1 of my fren that i'm a good lier..i think i do...cause i already forget who is me...i lie to myself for not being myself..be the one my friends and my family want..
I try to speak it out..but i'm not dare..scared about the consequence?..perhaps..my brain is so blur now...and..pain...i dont think i can write anymore..erm,i will continue next time...when my feel back to normal 1st