BOTHER....am i?

Today is 23/12..now is 11.47 pm...

Actually there are nothing much i want to say or tell...waiting the Garena to update finished then i will go to sleep...haha..but..suddenly feel like blogging then just press a few button and start move my finger..><

Today me , Yan Zheng and Siew ling have go to JPN to renew our IC..cause already old than 18 years old and it is necessary for us to renew..Then we go eat breakfast and play bowling game..haha...me and Yan Zheng is mad...he have play 12 game and me have play 10 game cause later on Mui Fun join us and i give her the last 2 game ..of course,she got pay me back the money..haha

Just now..someone have ask me why people so scared bothering others(something sound like that..)..erm,i have answer the question by saying that cause they scared the people they bothering will feel sick of them..haha..how accurate the answer it is..><..but we didn't discuss about the topic and we have something like change the topic..haha.

Just suddenly feel like say more about the topic..why?erm,not a odd and unfamiliar question for me....I think i have ask and been ask by my other friends...Like the blog have say at the previous blog,i'm going to keep at distant with someone....how much i make it?i guess..not even 1 %..haha...just too much thing that i wish i can be better or close as friends to him..Somehow..the promise is not success..bad?..perhaps..

How much i scared of bothering people?..Just,i will worry that one day later someone will not like to be friends to me cause i'm too "fan" to him/her...Although someone told me that friends can not be calculate at that way..but, i have see some case either myself too when i'm not love someone and the guys is keep looking for me ...the feel of push him/her away always grow in my mind...and i will hide it and be usual...

No idea start from when.maybe when i'm about form 1..i scared that i have make someone have this kind of feeling cause me and it is not fun or ok...I dare to say i'm not feel bad get bother by someone i know or i want be close with nor i will sad if they are not bother me and i'm willing to get bother by other which is not in my "black list"...I'm not saying i'm any kind person who willing to sacrifice myself .just.happy when know that I'm not alone or lonely

Like i say..maybe i love alone but i hate lonely..how ridiculous it is?haha...that's me..KEK KOK WAH...nonsense person..

About change..i means changing my mentally or though..haha...funny when i found that I'm that kind of person have "problem"..so far i though my mother is the only one say that i'm but today..there are other one support my mother...erm..maybe i can save it for next blog when the feeling get stronger and i'm not as sleepy as i'm now..haha.

Just one more thing...Merry Christmas in less than 24 hours..haha..happy to see a gang of friends in same place again...wish it can funny , crazy and happy moment in my life time...THX for someone who give me advice and haha..i'm not ready..><

Some Stuff....

Today is 22/12/2008...3.38pm...wait to watch ataschinci..><

it have been long time that i didn't blog ..or i didn't blog at this blog..><..(maybe u get my point..)...

let review of the recently event or trip or plan i have do....After back from Pangkor trip...erm, I think the next activities i have do is go out with my friends with my friends which is Bryan Kong and William Chong To KLCC..Somehow , I'm not that enjoy on the trip...Going to KLCC is Brayn Kong idea..cause he want to buy and he did buy a watlet at GUCCI!!!!erm..you can imagine or predict how much the watlet cost...

Still can remember the day I meet Bryan Kong at Kajang train Station..For me , he is "over-dresses"...Darn, he wear black spec which is not suitable for the environment..look weird.>..<..Rich people world is a pplace i will and cant either don;t want to "follow".

Anyway..i have go to Kinokumiya for the twilight series book..but..T.T..all sold out..with finished 1 movie and shop at a quite expensive cloth shop then we back to Kajang..erm..not here to show-off or anything but..haha..he is "increase" his taste EXPENSIVELY

Erm, I think about last Thursday , me and my friends which is Yan Zheng , Chin Fai , Man Soon , Ming Han , Siew Ling, Mui Fun , Kah Wei and Yoke Xin have go to Tripo Tech at Puchong to interview and get a part time job..something have happen and settle...haha.><

Then the event for today and for me is a "crazy" thing which is playing basketball at Batu11 with my form 6 friends who are..Yan Zheng , Yan Zheng brother , Chin Fai , Kee Sheng , Ah Teoh and Kah Wei....erm..why i say it is crazy thing?..Sport..this word is familiar and "unfriednsly" for me...I have already didn't touch any type of sport for about 7 years..wahaha.><

I can say with honest that when I'm in primary school..i quite know how to play ..for sure I'm not means that i'm professional or damn geng...but i think is better than now..once i know how to shot the basketball or swimming ..but now...i know how to make air-ball and drown><...I don't remember why i dislike it or give up the sport when I'm in the secondary school or get "older".All the skill that i have learn and know have gone in no way..T.T

I still can remember last night when i invited Ah Teoh to play basketball..he have ask me for 3 times who is calling him although i have told him that i'm Kek KOK WAH..Therefore it can be easily see that in all people brain i'm the sporty guys..><..haha..

But.I think I'm not going or learned how to shot the ball for now..haha..When Yan Zheng is teaching Chin fai and Kah Wei how to shot the ball better with changing the position and etc...I'm not that "semangat" to give me a try..why?erm...how to say.. just...i think i need time..time to fix something inside myself...haha
TIME....

Part time job~~~

Today is 15/12/2008....now is 8.07 p.m..
Just back from shopping with my friends at Mid-valley..cause i have to buy some cloth for the coming Chinese News Years and my job which high probability to become a part time teacher...
Hmmm...being a part time teacher is one of choice as a part time job but i didn't think i would need go so far and is alone guys..This story is because my mother have heard from her friends and insist me to go..Yesterday night i have just back from dinner and yam cha session and my friends then i want to tell them my plan for the part time job...i haven't given a chance to say what i want but my mother already come out the word that,"i want u become part time teacher", "i prefer u become part time teacher"...
I'm not given a second or chance to tell her and she keep say the same word when i'm going to start to tell her my plan...Then,maybe recently or whatever my temper just grow and control my character and leave their room without saying a word..
This morning i have wake up and we have make something like cool war..Until then i be the one who start to talk with her and the cool war end and i go out to shopping with my friends..Just now back from shopping and once i see her face..i have no idea why and how my temper again grow and i suddenly feel like angry about her..I want to know why my mother so love to control my life?..why she just can't believe about the choice i have make?
So long..without my brother help me..there will impossible that i can go out to play with my friends like today ...So far..what i want to do if fail at 1st and with my brother help it will more chance to success...
Just now watching TV and i suddenly think back that i'm not possible to change my job cause i have ask my friends that help me to ask a job that near at Kajang..But i recall the paper that i have sign when i ask to be temporary teacher..It stat that i need to tell the school one month early if i don't want to be teacher or whatever.. Maybe it sound blur for you who read now..but for sure i think i really need to be the only guys who work at that school in next January although i might have better offer in the coming day...
Back to some happen event..Yesterday i have enjoy with my dinner with my "family" again..haha..so happy that they have make a surprises to me..Thx to all of them.. THX^^..It such a pleasure and lucky to meet and be friends with you all.. Wish all the best to you all guys and sorry is the word i want to say to someone ...I really didn't say anything out..and i will apply my promise to myself that i have stat in the last blog..so...i don't know ..i think it is a better that i'm working alone too..
Can't let him go?..hmm...i think more sound like i will deep dead sad if need to say goodbye to him and others again in the coming day...告别伤心，思念开始。。。

A promise to myself

Today is 14/12/2008...3.26pm.
Today i'm really alone in my house..cause my parents have go to play with their friends early this morning...good news for me and for my parents..
Already back from pangkor trip for 3 day.I guess my feel wasn't that down as i feel that day...but it doesn't means i don't miss anymore..just like all people say..save it in the heart..><
Still looking for job now..wish can heard good news from chin fai but also scared for the job he can get for me cause is about computer and software...i'm noob to it..but.wish i can get job cause now is desperate to get job and money..><
Just now chatting with my friend who is study at Canada----->Tan Hyui Sxin..haha.. recently keep see her online..maybe now she is darn free cause her final exam is going to finished...
In the talk we have discuss about people attitude..hmm..maybe i should start like this..i think i'm too stick to someone..then i have ask some opinion about it..She tell me if someone is too stick to her .she might feel not comfortable and try to avoid from the people that stick with her..
For that moment..i think i'm in trouble.cause i think i'm too stick too someone.. Like she say.....although my heart might want to be friends with the one i care but i doesn't or i shouldn't make the other feel uncomfortable and vomit feel..
I have realize my problem once and maybe that time i'm pretend to be half blind person to the problem..but today and just now.i have make myself a conclusion...I need to be or set a distance i guess is the correct word to the one i stick too much..
Maybe i have really make him feel bad or like my friends say..vomit feel that he didn't tell me or how to me,..in other word..don't want to hurt me..So, i think i know what should i do and what shouldn't i do ..haha..
i write down just want to remind me .. to make me not to forget the thing i have say to myself..ME..scared bother people and scared people will angry and avoid from me but in fact what i do might or already make him feel sick toward me..
All is clear now and i think i have found a guide line...be happy kok wah.^^it is also for you own good..haha..^^..
P/S:for those who are prepare to enjoy dinner with me but i reject i feel so much sorry and only sorry is the word i want to say to you all..like i say just now..i sacred what have i say and do is bothering you all so for my view i think you all should be with yours parents..just that;s all..SORRY..

"FAMILY" trip..~.~

Today is 12/12/2008..time now is 9.57 at the morning...everything seems already have to be the "past tense"...but my feel is still the same as yesterday night...perhaps it will be better later or in the future..Here is something i have write in a paper because i cant sleep by keep thinking about it and i don't want to lost the feel and my memory when wake up 2moro..
Today is 11/12/2008..now is 11.59p,...Now i feel like i am in the pening laut situation====pening.~.~There are 1 word to describe my felling now------>confuse..haha ..sound weird..><
I still remember the process. the sweet memory, the funny moment, the desperated situation and etc. Me and my friends have gather in the Kajang Bus Station before go to Pudu..i have to wake up at 4.30 in the morning cause need to reach the bus station before 6 am...T have to say very thank you to Siew ling because fetch me(aligator.^^). But we have 1 "VIP" in our group===>Lee Chin Fai..haha..He reach the bus station at 6.15...but it doesn't matter cause all the thing is still follow the schedule..
We reach the Pudu bus station and meet the friends which live in Cheras and already waiting us at a nearby KFC...Total people 15..boy team:me , Yan Zheng,Chin Fai , Man Soon , Kee Sheng , Ah Teoh , MIng Han and Xiau Sa..girl team: Siew ling, Sze Chi , Ling Shi , Kah Wei(sifu) , Yoke Xin (sipak) , Mei Yan and Pei Seen..On the journey to the Pangkor perlabuhan...my friends have enjoy them by "gamble" and sleep..some of the friends have decided to take those funny sleeping pose..haha..and i enjoy the 4 hrs trip by listen to music and enjoy the view outside the window.. .i'm so happy that i sit in bus cause it such a long time i didn't use the bus already..
Once reach the Pangkor, we go to the Coral Bar...2 apartment for 15 people of us..
Overall, our Pangkor trip is full with the event that playing water , walk at the beach , feel the softness of the sand , the smell of the sea , the force of the winf , and many many else..and the important event is the "cor dai di" time for boy when have free time and the shopping hours for the girl~.~
Those girl are crazy for shopping..><..They can shopping in a same shop for 4 time and above...mad already they(they will kill me later...)But that is the "kung FU" of the girl inherit with which i or much of the male people cant learn that prefect..The 1st thing all guys do is swim in the sea and sand ball to throw the innosence guys like me...but i'm the one who keep their wallet and their "harta"..DONT TRY TO PLAY WITH ME....HOHOHOHHOH
The other thing will be i finally have touch the sea...Is is my 1st time to "swim" in the sea..and the water is so so so so "SIEN"... The poor thing is i get "bully" by the boy and girl..T.T..I think i will drown for one moment but lucky that i'm still survive and typing the blog now and here....haha
The 3 day 2 night trip at Pangkor ...I think i'm the most troublesome people..why?.I can easily lost my wallet , sandals , and my mobile phone..until a level where i'm not dare to keep the door key in my bag..><
The 1st day at night...i have a long night talk with Yan Zheng...cause that day at night...we all 14 people(beside xiau sa cause he need to sleep)have gather and talk ghost story...that make the girl afraid and have 3 boys decided to "protect" them by sleep at their room...but i don't know how much it work but for sure is Ah Teoh have turn to become their "father" after that night...and me and Yan Zheng have spend 2 hrs and 30 minute to talking session..
Then the 2nd day night ..we all decided to rent bicycle and take a "walk" in the Pangkor..An i have do a wrong thing by express my word with more rough feel..It make me feel bad cause i should be enjoy the process..~~~After the bicycle..we all have buy 4 bottle of beer and head to the beach that what have also done in the 1st night at Pangkor...Drinking the Beer and enjoy the song sing by all and the guitar-man----->JAY YAP(YAP MING HAN)...hohohoh.it is a sweet moment...All people sound enjoying the moment and then me and some friends "sleep" in the sand and enjoy the moon light..For a period of time me and kah wei (my sifu)..sleep at yan zheng body to enjoy and feel funny..haha.
1 amazing thing is ..when we back from cycling..the pedal of the yan Zheng bike have have broke and he have to run back for a far distant and and taking his bike as well.How well done is his "cell of sukan" in his body.~.~..then at 12 am..when back to the apartment and all gather in the girl room..playing card game and punish the loser..~.~..Yan Zheng is poor guys which like the only 1 guys get punish..of course me also kena .T.T.but is sound terrible for Yan Zheng ..seems like he want to get punish purposly. Are you,Yan Zheng? ...
Now my feel is more to sad and sleepy.. The happy moment have came to the end or more exactly is our trip and the friendship is started decrease..Although some have say FRIENDS FOREVER...i know what it means , how it work , and the % of success....like the Brighton have say in the Nanny show before..:"of course you will remember us for a while..after u have have u own children.You will start to decrease to see us and at last you will forget about us."..What the Brighton say is equal as what i think..Now or today..we might dare to say that we are friends forever...but the time and years came and go..are we still able to say the same thing like today?are will still remember each other?are we?
Although some play a joke that they will go to my house and "pon" me for fun...It sound funny and happy for me..but ,the feel is different ..the fell that we study at the school every day..and the feel we like just looking and pass away...it make me feel sad, forgotten , and like a puzzle lost a piece to finished it...It just something that it wouldn't as good as it was...
The 3day 2 night at Pangkor is nice and cool for me..With the Happy force and unexpected event..Now i can't sleep..Back to a room where i sleep ...it feel a bit lost..no more yellow light on the wall...no more people beside me to sleep ....It is what call as LIFE.i need to deal with it , understand it..I think i can suite myself again in this room again sooner or later but.i don't and can't accept the way i need to deal with it..KEK KOK WAH...WAKE UP AAA!!!!!YOU ARE NO LONGER A CHILDREN!!!!!..no more~~~~
Maybe it is due to it is the 1st time i have a trip with my friends with overnight..i need to grow up..no need to accept myself but make sure i live in the old type life style as soon as possible..don't stuck in the pass..
I don't know what to say more..Don't exactly what should i think..I remember at the KFC just now for dinner...Honestly, i really feel like going to break at that moment..i can feel my tears already arounf the corner to fall down..just that nearly but i managed to avoid it and don't want to let people see i'm that weak,,
Although for some part..this trip wasn't as i expected(cause my mission have fail..)but it is happy event..It always live in my memory, my computer, my blog..Just wish i wouldn't forget those event and memory...The 1 and 1/2 years of form 6 life have finally came to the end...i wish i can stay back at that time with them ...changing myself at lower 6 with more involve with them.but..back to the word..GROW and be mature now..
What a release after write down all the thing down...brain is so empty and enable myself to sleep better later..I'm now so much relutant to let me and my friends "go"..to become a pass tense not the future or present tense...But , it is something beyond what i can do or what i can try to do.This trip is full with memory...the voice and laughter we have make in the ship...the "knock" of my head to the van taxi..For me, it is more likely a family rather a end years school trip...REALLY!!.maybe cause it is my 1st time experience and there are some people i really wish will not get forgot by them (not girl and boy those love feel).It is 1st time i feel like the form 6 i study is like a big community rather than many group ..of course there are some people that i didn't familiar with..but..is is more likely a big , huge family...(and i want be small brother so can avoid doing heavy job..haha..)..
It feel so bad and sad cause need to leave them with a simple bye bye..feel so..relunctant ..It broke my heart and make me want to cry again now...but as i say..it is life..i need to grow and deal with it..learn to be grow and move on...GAMBATEH and WISH ALL THE BEST AND GOOD LUCK TO THE BEST FAMILY I HAVE EVER , NEVER HAVE BEFORE..
This is how i feel last night...what i have write in paper to make my self empty and sleepy...tonight i need to fight to sleep lonely and the worst case is this Sunday cause my family go out play and i'm the only one in the house...No idea At night that day m i will be able to close my eyes or not..brainless..
Just now i go out with my mom for bank thing ...just thin back the lost of the people...my tears is pop out but it doesn't come out..thanks to the air-cond in the car by freeze my tears..haha...And i realize it is easy to be past and future tense but it is darn hard to be present tense..much more harder.like 1 compare to 1 million..
My life will not end today...i need to move and walk more..Wish i can have the friends like yesterday i have in the present day...AND i want to say..I THINK I REALLY FALL IN LOVE TO ALL OF YOU..NOT THAT BOY AND GIRL LOVE .BUT AS A FRIENDS AND THE HAPPY AND SWEET MOMENT WE HAVE EXPERIENCE AT THE PAST TIME..IT FEEL MUCH MORE HARD TO SAY BYE BYE TO ALL OF YOU..BUT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE READ MY BLOG...THANKS FOR WELCOME ME BE APART OF U LIFE BEFORE...THANKS Q(tears finally pop out..haha..)

everything but seems nothing...

Today is 5/12/2008....my STPM have finished yesterday...

At the beginning.i want to write about my STPM process...but.it seems bored for me and either..it is not a good memory ...so..haha..forget about STPM thing..~.~

Yesterday night..once after STPM...me and my friends go out to celebrate..and watch a movie call "twilight"...not too bad...but since it is love story..i think if i read the book will be better..haha...some more ...me and fion and jay yap make 'noise' at the cinema...so bad me..><..disturb other people~.~

About the movie...erm...the main character...i means the boy..wahaha..so handsome..just curious..why western people have big eyes ball..while eastern people is so small...furthermore..small eyes ball can cause high risk in having ill...~.~..

All is now back to the starting point again..as i imagine or i think..>
I'm feel a bit lost...Dunno why...somehow i think maybe it is cause by the movie yesterday..my brain is recall and recall the movie~.~..Don't know why or maybe is afraid to know the reason..><...(nonsense -me)...But...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAa.whatever.. Time can cure me..hohoho.><

Now is time to think which job i have to do and which course i'm going to study already~.~...just so hate to make a choice that can change my world...or scared to make a move...(T.T)...

Actually..i have many or some to write..but don't know why..just can't write down here or now..haha..want to take a break...so..today is until here ba...have to search my soul back...(-swt)