FEEL NEVER END..

Today is 10/8...now is 8.75 pm...

8/8/2008 is the Bejing Olympic opening ceremony ..haha..

This afternoon I had a dinner with my mother at Pizza Hut..haha..first time taste and finished my mushroom soup..><..The whole process is silent until i talk and ask...Why that is always my problem or i'm the one to get blame ..

My mom say that the way i treat my family members is rude and bad.Erm..i have to admit that i do have fell not suang when talk to my dad in the last time...but the fell gone already(when?i think after they buy me the MYVI..HAHA)

I do feel or think that i'm bad children...didnt respect to my family members ..but what to do..i try changes before...just every time i try to change by talk with my father..what the answer i get is..:use you head and brain before you say anything"..Dunno how many and how much those word and sentences that had my dad talk to me before..

And now,i feel he try to be good with me..to enclose our relationship...but..too late..i have to say i have build a wall between me and my dad...and started to build between me and my mom now ...my mom is trying to be the bridge to enclose me with my dad...the problem is i don't want to walk up to the bridge..

Why I so so??i remember one last time when me and my family members go to my grandmother house...That day i don't know why i fell so happy and the happy trip end when i give my opinion to my brother and my dad talking session...

of course....there a stull many other case ...a lot ..a dose ..limitless..Every time i try to talk to my dad ,he will answer ..:you are brainless"...that what i get for trying to enclose with my dad last time...then ..i stop my enclose program between with my dad...then now is my dad try to be good with me..(sound funny..???)

Until recently( i think after they buy me the MYVI.)...i start to talk back to my dad ...but my mom and my dad seems like ask for more...

There are so many unforgotten event when i try to talk with my dad nicely..i remember my dad try to kill me with the cooking knife..i don't remember what is the reason(maybe i should ask my mother)...But sometimes i do fell that it is better i die...seems like i am meaningless to people around me..

Yesterday,i have school and my friends and me decided to go out take dinner..that time already around..My parents try to call me but my mobile phone out of battery ...then my dad came to school to find me and check me...when i walk in front to talk with him then he start to shot me...

They say they worry about me...but i didn't feel they realy care about me....my imagination ..i'm children for other people....cause my parents get paid but feed me...so....haha..crazy....I know i am crazy...my parents also always say that they pick wrong baby in the Hosp. Maybe the nurse really put me into wrong basket..haha

In the way to the dinner place..my friends say that my parents is so care about me although they might not show it...Sometimes i do tell it to my self ...to make me feel happy or console me......
compare to my brother....i can see a different treatment..

Dunno how many tears have i flow...My dad scold me at my birthday date(my birthday always happen unwanted event)....during chinese new years ...in front of people...slap me...cane , knife , belt be the weapon to hit me..i still can survive until today..MIRACLE

Maybe one day later i know or they realize that the way to fix the problem....i do imagine if i lost my parents...i will feel sad....so ..to make sure i'm not sad..i will die early than them....cause i do think that if they die ..i 'm dying ....i hate anyone around me leave the earth before me...i will be very sad....AMITABHA...please save and take care my dad, mom , brother ,friends around me....i know i don't have the privilege to demand such "wishes"..but..please...THX