Today is 6/9..1 more week is my trial exam ...start feel pressure and ..scare..
I think for today blog will no more "haha" word...I just finished pick up my mother from shop...she have a war with my father again....i don't remember what is the cause for the war last time but i do remember from Yan Zheng birthday until today..they at least have 6 war already..all happen..due to small matter
For me...i think is my father problem...don't know start from when my father will argue with my mother for a small thing..this time just because my mother didn't gosok my father back a war happen again...
Only because a word will also make my father in temple..sound nonsense,isn't?
unbelievable?then u should see by yourself..
This morning..a call make make me wake up..my mom call me to inform me that she didn't buy me breakfast and tell me that she fight with father again...not a shock event to make me wake up and fresh my brain...
I tired with this family already...fight for tiny thing..my friends say "they still you family'..yes they do..just sometimes i don't know how am i should react with this family...i love them..but sometimes i don't know how to love them that crashing my family...
In the way back to the home..my mom say that she tell father want to divorce... Honestly...really not surprises for me..cause last time when they have fight and i try to help my mother by begging my father..he tell me.."i will and want to divorce with u mother already"...have u all experience so?
Just now bathing..i tell myself i thing..if they dare to divorce..i will kill myself in front of them..i will make sure myself do so...make them guilty...honestly i don't know i dare to do or not..but i will make sure i will do so..when they sign..i jump from building or kill myself with gun..
That is the thing i should do,right?children born cause the love of they parents.. When the love is gone..children shouldn't appears in this world more,isn't?
I won't dating and marry in the rest of my life...i have tell my mother so..she say i'm nonsense..but.from what i see,love of my brother with his girlfriends already break..family?what happen with my family..loveless...Maybe i already don't have the spirit to marry and dating..from what i see ..from what i feel..lover and family..
i'm not dare to try it..
DIE..might be the stupid way but always be the choice for me ..GAMBATEH MY FRIENDS IN U ALL EXAM!!NO MATTER IS STPM or Trial exam..GAMBATEH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
31/8...bored day...
Today is 31/8..Malaysia national day..and will end in 47 minute more..haha.I should at my form 5 friends now for celebrate or gathering but i didn't go...bad friends,isn't? But,we isn't so close at the form 4 and form 5 time..such a bad memory and class..
Recall back the past memory..our class like a seperated sand...No co-operation and friendship..although my class is the smallest member compare to other class but..what to do..>
Today wake up and see my father already not at home...erm..with my experience i know that my parents is argue which i also have sense at the last night when they back from singing...sien..fight again..><
Erm,today i want to talk about my family..><..haha
Start with my father..as i have say in the previous blog..quite not close with my dad cause the kid event..And also have say that i should forgive my dad or not..>< Just don't know....every time when i talk and be close to my dad then my parents sure argue...
Cause i love to think i'm important and Bla bla bla...i though my father want me close to him as i close to my mom in the previous years(cause now also cold war).. But, maybe my dad don't know that if he fight with my mom,i will start not 'friends' with him again..>
About my father..i dislike him in many area..the way he talk ,dress, eat and etc.. me quite selfish,isn't?My father like to talk loudly and not say that i want to fight with him and didn't respect to him when i talk loud..and say i treat my friends better than him. ERm..ya, i have to admid that i treat my friends better than i treat him which i also have say in the previous blog..
About my mom,maybe she argue with my dad so make her talk to me back..means i win in the cold war?..haha..no idea.My mom...she love to compare me with my brother, most of the time talk to him will only about my brother..he will tell her friends how is ah boy(which is my brother) how good or etc..but she only say that i'm lazy and bla bla bl in front her friends..
When i study or mop the house to help her..erm,i'm not wanted to get gift or other thing else but at least that is no need to say bad thing about me,isn't?when she talk to me just now, the 1st idea across my brain is she want me to stand with her about the fight with my dad...Who am i for her?a garget for her to use..
About my brother..erm, nothing to say cause.For honestly i think i'm the burden for him..he need to concern me when he talk with his friends(no idea he got do so or not..haha)erm..But my brother change a lot...People change,isn't?.But seems like my bro have make a huge changing after he study at RAMAN college..
I remember last time i have listen 1 of my friends say that he have a brother that make him and his family quite headache..haha..don't know why i feel like i'm making my family members and my brother a extremely headache..haha..when my friends say about his brother..perhaps not bad thing and i just feel that will my brother face the same situation too?(>.<)
But...i have to say that i can understand that why sometimes me or my friends brother will act so..not because to get attention from family(maybe do also)..but the main point for me to argue with them..is to tell them how i feel..how i think..
and tell them i'm not the kid that they think i'm!!!!
That's all for today..haha..need to sleep cause 2moro have tuisyen...maybe my classmate is still enjoy the camp..i think..just feel sorry and haha..nothing more...
Recall back the past memory..our class like a seperated sand...No co-operation and friendship..although my class is the smallest member compare to other class but..what to do..>
Today wake up and see my father already not at home...erm..with my experience i know that my parents is argue which i also have sense at the last night when they back from singing...sien..fight again..><
Erm,today i want to talk about my family..><..haha
Start with my father..as i have say in the previous blog..quite not close with my dad cause the kid event..And also have say that i should forgive my dad or not..>< Just don't know....every time when i talk and be close to my dad then my parents sure argue...
Cause i love to think i'm important and Bla bla bla...i though my father want me close to him as i close to my mom in the previous years(cause now also cold war).. But, maybe my dad don't know that if he fight with my mom,i will start not 'friends' with him again..>
About my father..i dislike him in many area..the way he talk ,dress, eat and etc.. me quite selfish,isn't?My father like to talk loudly and not say that i want to fight with him and didn't respect to him when i talk loud..and say i treat my friends better than him. ERm..ya, i have to admid that i treat my friends better than i treat him which i also have say in the previous blog..
About my mom,maybe she argue with my dad so make her talk to me back..means i win in the cold war?..haha..no idea.My mom...she love to compare me with my brother, most of the time talk to him will only about my brother..he will tell her friends how is ah boy(which is my brother) how good or etc..but she only say that i'm lazy and bla bla bl in front her friends..
When i study or mop the house to help her..erm,i'm not wanted to get gift or other thing else but at least that is no need to say bad thing about me,isn't?when she talk to me just now, the 1st idea across my brain is she want me to stand with her about the fight with my dad...Who am i for her?a garget for her to use..
About my brother..erm, nothing to say cause.For honestly i think i'm the burden for him..he need to concern me when he talk with his friends(no idea he got do so or not..haha)erm..But my brother change a lot...People change,isn't?.But seems like my bro have make a huge changing after he study at RAMAN college..
I remember last time i have listen 1 of my friends say that he have a brother that make him and his family quite headache..haha..don't know why i feel like i'm making my family members and my brother a extremely headache..haha..when my friends say about his brother..perhaps not bad thing and i just feel that will my brother face the same situation too?(>.<)
But...i have to say that i can understand that why sometimes me or my friends brother will act so..not because to get attention from family(maybe do also)..but the main point for me to argue with them..is to tell them how i feel..how i think..
and tell them i'm not the kid that they think i'm!!!!
That's all for today..haha..need to sleep cause 2moro have tuisyen...maybe my classmate is still enjoy the camp..i think..just feel sorry and haha..nothing more...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
A day before Nasional Day
Today is 30/8...1 hrs and 20 min more is Malaysia no 51 anniversary...
Hehe..say don't want online already de but at last still on..not good la me..so weak the determinant ..Let Fion look down..not good..HAHAAAA...
Erm...the STPM timetable is out already...for me as a 'physics' class student is start from 18/11 until 4/12 which is also the end of the STPM exam ...haha...too bad..getting closer and closer to me..What to do if not study hard,isnt?
This week have argue with my mother..cause i want to get a confirm answer that i can go Pangkor with my form 6 friends as soon as possible...but when i ask her..she seems like thinking how to reject me..then i ask her again in more loudly way then she scold me already..start with compare how is my brother talk and me.
But..it really no a big case..haha...i'm stun to argue with people already.. expecially my mother and father..haha..Today i seems like talk more often with my dad already,did i forgive him and he forgive me also?maybe..who know..HAHA
About me and my mother the argue make me think about or figure out something....My mom prefer my brother(erm..actually all my family members prefer my brother rather than me..haha)..anyway..i see something like my mom wanted me "be" my brother....><
Cause every time i have some thing to tell and then turn to 'war'..she will always like to compare me with my brother....My life is bored !!!...why i must be some one else but not myself?.My personality have problem?maybe,that how i think about myself too..mental problem person..haha
Since my mom say my bro will automatic tell her who will go with my bro for the holiday trip and which i didn't do ..then i call my brother to get the answer..and that make me feel...Down at that moment...my brother told me that is my mom ask him who got go with him..then the question is here..why my mother didn't ask me but expect me to tell her 'automatic'..><
I know my destiny is tread unfair(haha..><,kononya i know)..but..sometimes i really will ask myself..is that i should or deserve to treat by them in this way??..no answer..answerless question..
Until today...start from Monday night.."cold war" is held in my house between me and my mom..didn't so talk-full as last time...less talk less war...haha...bad kid.bay boy..i'm really a bad kid..that how i see me also.
And 1 more thing want to share..today i 1st time drive my Myvi to cheras..WAKAKA..if my parents know dunno what will happen on me..(>.<)anyway..save reach and save return..haha..^^
Sad moment will also have..but it is because we have enjoy happy moment..Sad cause we face difficuly or unwanted event..happy cause we get benefit and lough..
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE^^
Hehe..say don't want online already de but at last still on..not good la me..so weak the determinant ..Let Fion look down..not good..HAHAAAA...
Erm...the STPM timetable is out already...for me as a 'physics' class student is start from 18/11 until 4/12 which is also the end of the STPM exam ...haha...too bad..getting closer and closer to me..What to do if not study hard,isnt?
This week have argue with my mother..cause i want to get a confirm answer that i can go Pangkor with my form 6 friends as soon as possible...but when i ask her..she seems like thinking how to reject me..then i ask her again in more loudly way then she scold me already..start with compare how is my brother talk and me.
But..it really no a big case..haha...i'm stun to argue with people already.. expecially my mother and father..haha..Today i seems like talk more often with my dad already,did i forgive him and he forgive me also?maybe..who know..HAHA
About me and my mother the argue make me think about or figure out something....My mom prefer my brother(erm..actually all my family members prefer my brother rather than me..haha)..anyway..i see something like my mom wanted me "be" my brother....><
Cause every time i have some thing to tell and then turn to 'war'..she will always like to compare me with my brother....My life is bored !!!...why i must be some one else but not myself?.My personality have problem?maybe,that how i think about myself too..mental problem person..haha
Since my mom say my bro will automatic tell her who will go with my bro for the holiday trip and which i didn't do ..then i call my brother to get the answer..and that make me feel...Down at that moment...my brother told me that is my mom ask him who got go with him..then the question is here..why my mother didn't ask me but expect me to tell her 'automatic'..><
I know my destiny is tread unfair(haha..><,kononya i know)..but..sometimes i really will ask myself..is that i should or deserve to treat by them in this way??..no answer..answerless question..
Until today...start from Monday night.."cold war" is held in my house between me and my mom..didn't so talk-full as last time...less talk less war...haha...bad kid.bay boy..i'm really a bad kid..that how i see me also.
And 1 more thing want to share..today i 1st time drive my Myvi to cheras..WAKAKA..if my parents know dunno what will happen on me..(>.<)anyway..save reach and save return..haha..^^
Sad moment will also have..but it is because we have enjoy happy moment..Sad cause we face difficuly or unwanted event..happy cause we get benefit and lough..
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE^^
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Last day yo open my computer...
Today is 24/8...now is 9.47pm..
Erm, plan to stop online start from tomorrow.Cause STPM is getting near and near to me..Perhaps i really can stay and hold my spirit that i won't online until finished imy STPM..HAHA..(Fion sure say i can't do it cause i have plan to do it last time but fail><)..I WILL < CAN AND MUST ..THIS TIME..!!!!!
Tonight want to chat with my form 6 friends de..but now no one online..feel a bit lonely..haha..Never mind for me cause i think all is study right now...haha..and i still stuck in front of computer..Just finished read fion de blog...应该珍惜身边的人...talk to yourself a fion..haha..><(i will get kill already)
"All my life..i pray for a one like u."lyrics for All my life which is sing by Shayne Ward..haha.. Listen now..actually have something to say but...dunno how to start already...应该珍惜身边的人...i think not only suitable for fion only..but also other which is me too...haha
My class is going to make a trip to Pangkor ...erm..I quite agree and wanted to go with my friends...to enjoy..to have fun ..to make crazy and unforgettable memory with them..since i assume this years will be our last years to chit-chat..after this years and the end years trip...i think that will be no more chance to all gather and have fun..
Just...sometimes...I'm over thinking and concern about some factor that is not important and etc...which make me think i'm the sensitive person ..haha..that's who i am><...Do i feel alone for study form 6?...no...nor..i feel damn happy ..HAHA..although there are some bad memory as i have say...but i really didn't regret for studying form 6...
Erm...dunno what to say already...maybe i should stop now and do other thing..study?erm...i think i should..><
Erm, plan to stop online start from tomorrow.Cause STPM is getting near and near to me..Perhaps i really can stay and hold my spirit that i won't online until finished imy STPM..HAHA..(Fion sure say i can't do it cause i have plan to do it last time but fail><)..I WILL < CAN AND MUST ..THIS TIME..!!!!!
Tonight want to chat with my form 6 friends de..but now no one online..feel a bit lonely..haha..Never mind for me cause i think all is study right now...haha..and i still stuck in front of computer..Just finished read fion de blog...应该珍惜身边的人...talk to yourself a fion..haha..><(i will get kill already)
"All my life..i pray for a one like u."lyrics for All my life which is sing by Shayne Ward..haha.. Listen now..actually have something to say but...dunno how to start already...应该珍惜身边的人...i think not only suitable for fion only..but also other which is me too...haha
My class is going to make a trip to Pangkor ...erm..I quite agree and wanted to go with my friends...to enjoy..to have fun ..to make crazy and unforgettable memory with them..since i assume this years will be our last years to chit-chat..after this years and the end years trip...i think that will be no more chance to all gather and have fun..
Just...sometimes...I'm over thinking and concern about some factor that is not important and etc...which make me think i'm the sensitive person ..haha..that's who i am><...Do i feel alone for study form 6?...no...nor..i feel damn happy ..HAHA..although there are some bad memory as i have say...but i really didn't regret for studying form 6...
Erm...dunno what to say already...maybe i should stop now and do other thing..study?erm...i think i should..><
Monday, August 18, 2008
THANKS YOU..THANKS YOU...
Today is 18/8...now is 9.54pm...getting near and near to the STPM...aikz..poor life...
Last Saturday i have went to my friends party----Wong Yan Zheng...haha..plan to surprises him de..but the plan fail already..not good..T_T...hope he be happy for getting older than me and other...WAHAHA..(i'm so young....what to do...beat me la.><)...haha.
That day didn't feel the feel that i have mention in the previous blog....thanks to yan zheng jek...hehe..thx for not let me feel the bad feeling..haha His parents have really prepare many food for us...3 box of fish ball and crab ball and 70 chicken wing...and etc...walou..><..I only keep eat the fish ball..hehe.(keep cucuk and makan..swt).and take away 6 herb eggs..wo..><
Really feel happy for study in form 6.Thanks to my friends to giving me chance to know u all.Maybe not all people allowed me to do so...haha..just thanks...Thanks to Yap Ming Han for giving me a chance to know him again...maybe not many people know that i knew Ming Han since kindergarden...haha..He life sure be poor with my exist..><
Thanks to Yan Zheng for not forget me..haha....(erm..didn't feel u got forget me wo..if u do then means my sensor got problem already..haha)..Sorry for lie to you and keep bother to you..Sorry very much...thank for allowed me join to you happy world.
Thanks to Lee Chin Fai too...perhaps i should say very sorry cause always bother you and seems like i quite good skill for making u angry....hope that u won't remember those bad thing of me...haha..can you?><..Thanks for giving me chance to be friends with you.
Thanks to Fion Wan 2...Thank you that allowed me to talk nonsense with you...haha..who ever be friends with you sure have many activities to do...cause happy event is unforgettable...dunno when will we and Siew Ling go out k song again .HAHA
Thanks to Mui Fun ...cause u are one of the friends who i think is quiet similar to me...which is sensitive...but.this is a bad thing..i know you are trying to "fix" the problem....let me help you..haha..sorry for make you angry in the lower6 time..
Thanks to Man Soon ...haha..although we 2 didn't talk so much..but thanks to join into my world and allowed me to join into u world...Thanks for be crazy with me...and most important is Thanks for helping me to explain to the girl that i down for studying pressure...haha..THANKS
Thanks to SIEW LING...my si mui...haha...i know many people think that we 2 are couple..haha..sorry for destroy you image...T_T..SORRY....but thanks for playing with me these 1 and half years.THANKS..
And thank to other i didn't mention here but who is my friends 2..with u all ...allowed me to join u all....I really feel happy and ...hehe(tears really pop out already)....Thanks for knowing "U" all... I think u all should be able to figure out what am i going to say...haha...yaya..i'm not going to online until my STPM.....i will force myself to do so...if u all see me online please scold me..haha..
I'm not so super smart .either lazy some more...but i dont want get too behind compare to you all...that how i feel..scared you all run too fast until don't let me bother and drop me away...so..NEED STUDY ALREADY..T_T..my mom forcing me also..haha...What to do..><
hehe..i think today or this week will be my last week to touch my computer...i won't think but 100% can't touch...as Mr.Boon..lock myself in the room..haha...erm. WISH U ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE IN THE FUTURE AND THANKS TO ALLOWED ME TO KNOW U ALL..DUNNO HOW MUCH THANKS TO SAY MORE..JUST...THANKS YOU SO SO MUCH^^
Last Saturday i have went to my friends party----Wong Yan Zheng...haha..plan to surprises him de..but the plan fail already..not good..T_T...hope he be happy for getting older than me and other...WAHAHA..(i'm so young....what to do...beat me la.><)...haha.
That day didn't feel the feel that i have mention in the previous blog....thanks to yan zheng jek...hehe..thx for not let me feel the bad feeling..haha His parents have really prepare many food for us...3 box of fish ball and crab ball and 70 chicken wing...and etc...walou..><..I only keep eat the fish ball..hehe.(keep cucuk and makan..swt).and take away 6 herb eggs..wo..>
Thanks to Lee Chin Fai too...perhaps i should say very sorry cause always bother you and seems like i quite good skill for making u angry....hope that u won't remember those bad thing of me...haha..can you?><..Thanks for giving me chance to be friends with you.
Thanks to Fion Wan 2...Thank you that allowed me to talk nonsense with you...haha..who ever be friends with you sure have many activities to do...cause happy event is unforgettable...dunno when will we and Siew Ling go out k song again .HAHA
Thanks to Mui Fun ...cause u are one of the friends who i think is quiet similar to me...which is sensitive...but.this is a bad thing..i know you are trying to "fix" the problem....let me help you..haha..sorry for make you angry in the lower6 time..
Thanks to Man Soon ...haha..although we 2 didn't talk so much..but thanks to join into my world and allowed me to join into u world...Thanks for be crazy with me...and most important is Thanks for helping me to explain to the girl that i down for studying pressure...haha..THANKS
Thanks to SIEW LING...my si mui...haha...i know many people think that we 2 are couple..haha..sorry for destroy you image...T_T..SORRY....but thanks for playing with me these 1 and half years.THANKS..
And thank to other i didn't mention here but who is my friends 2..with u all ...allowed me to join u all....I really feel happy and ...hehe(tears really pop out already)....Thanks for knowing "U" all... I think u all should be able to figure out what am i going to say...haha...yaya..i'm not going to online until my STPM.....i will force myself to do so...if u all see me online please scold me..haha..
I'm not so super smart .either lazy some more...but i dont want get too behind compare to you all...that how i feel..scared you all run too fast until don't let me bother and drop me away...so..NEED STUDY ALREADY..T_T..my mom forcing me also..haha...What to do..><
hehe..i think today or this week will be my last week to touch my computer...i won't think but 100% can't touch...as Mr.Boon..lock myself in the room..haha...erm. WISH U ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE IN THE FUTURE AND THANKS TO ALLOWED ME TO KNOW U ALL..DUNNO HOW MUCH THANKS TO SAY MORE..JUST...THANKS YOU SO SO MUCH^^
Sunday, August 10, 2008
FEEL NEVER END..
Today is 10/8...now is 8.75 pm...
8/8/2008 is the Bejing Olympic opening ceremony ..haha..
This afternoon I had a dinner with my mother at Pizza Hut..haha..first time taste and finished my mushroom soup..><..The whole process is silent until i talk and ask...Why that is always my problem or i'm the one to get blame ..
My mom say that the way i treat my family members is rude and bad.Erm..i have to admit that i do have fell not suang when talk to my dad in the last time...but the fell gone already(when?i think after they buy me the MYVI..HAHA)
I do feel or think that i'm bad children...didnt respect to my family members ..but what to do..i try changes before...just every time i try to change by talk with my father..what the answer i get is..:use you head and brain before you say anything"..Dunno how many and how much those word and sentences that had my dad talk to me before..
And now,i feel he try to be good with me..to enclose our relationship...but..too late..i have to say i have build a wall between me and my dad...and started to build between me and my mom now ...my mom is trying to be the bridge to enclose me with my dad...the problem is i don't want to walk up to the bridge..
Why I so so??i remember one last time when me and my family members go to my grandmother house...That day i don't know why i fell so happy and the happy trip end when i give my opinion to my brother and my dad talking session...
of course....there a stull many other case ...a lot ..a dose ..limitless..Every time i try to talk to my dad ,he will answer ..:you are brainless"...that what i get for trying to enclose with my dad last time...then ..i stop my enclose program between with my dad...then now is my dad try to be good with me..(sound funny..???)
Until recently( i think after they buy me the MYVI.)...i start to talk back to my dad ...but my mom and my dad seems like ask for more...
There are so many unforgotten event when i try to talk with my dad nicely..i remember my dad try to kill me with the cooking knife..i don't remember what is the reason(maybe i should ask my mother)...But sometimes i do fell that it is better i die...seems like i am meaningless to people around me..
Yesterday,i have school and my friends and me decided to go out take dinner..that time already around..My parents try to call me but my mobile phone out of battery ...then my dad came to school to find me and check me...when i walk in front to talk with him then he start to shot me...
They say they worry about me...but i didn't feel they realy care about me....my imagination ..i'm children for other people....cause my parents get paid but feed me...so....haha..crazy....I know i am crazy...my parents also always say that they pick wrong baby in the Hosp. Maybe the nurse really put me into wrong basket..haha
In the way to the dinner place..my friends say that my parents is so care about me although they might not show it...Sometimes i do tell it to my self ...to make me feel happy or console me......
compare to my brother....i can see a different treatment..
Dunno how many tears have i flow...My dad scold me at my birthday date(my birthday always happen unwanted event)....during chinese new years ...in front of people...slap me...cane , knife , belt be the weapon to hit me..i still can survive until today..MIRACLE
Maybe one day later i know or they realize that the way to fix the problem....i do imagine if i lost my parents...i will feel sad....so ..to make sure i'm not sad..i will die early than them....cause i do think that if they die ..i 'm dying ....i hate anyone around me leave the earth before me...i will be very sad....AMITABHA...please save and take care my dad, mom , brother ,friends around me....i know i don't have the privilege to demand such "wishes"..but..please...THX
8/8/2008 is the Bejing Olympic opening ceremony ..haha..
This afternoon I had a dinner with my mother at Pizza Hut..haha..first time taste and finished my mushroom soup..><..The whole process is silent until i talk and ask...Why that is always my problem or i'm the one to get blame ..
My mom say that the way i treat my family members is rude and bad.Erm..i have to admit that i do have fell not suang when talk to my dad in the last time...but the fell gone already(when?i think after they buy me the MYVI..HAHA)
I do feel or think that i'm bad children...didnt respect to my family members ..but what to do..i try changes before...just every time i try to change by talk with my father..what the answer i get is..:use you head and brain before you say anything"..Dunno how many and how much those word and sentences that had my dad talk to me before..
And now,i feel he try to be good with me..to enclose our relationship...but..too late..i have to say i have build a wall between me and my dad...and started to build between me and my mom now ...my mom is trying to be the bridge to enclose me with my dad...the problem is i don't want to walk up to the bridge..
Why I so so??i remember one last time when me and my family members go to my grandmother house...That day i don't know why i fell so happy and the happy trip end when i give my opinion to my brother and my dad talking session...
of course....there a stull many other case ...a lot ..a dose ..limitless..Every time i try to talk to my dad ,he will answer ..:you are brainless"...that what i get for trying to enclose with my dad last time...then ..i stop my enclose program between with my dad...then now is my dad try to be good with me..(sound funny..???)
Until recently( i think after they buy me the MYVI.)...i start to talk back to my dad ...but my mom and my dad seems like ask for more...
There are so many unforgotten event when i try to talk with my dad nicely..i remember my dad try to kill me with the cooking knife..i don't remember what is the reason(maybe i should ask my mother)...But sometimes i do fell that it is better i die...seems like i am meaningless to people around me..
Yesterday,i have school and my friends and me decided to go out take dinner..that time already around..My parents try to call me but my mobile phone out of battery ...then my dad came to school to find me and check me...when i walk in front to talk with him then he start to shot me...
They say they worry about me...but i didn't feel they realy care about me....my imagination ..i'm children for other people....cause my parents get paid but feed me...so....haha..crazy....I know i am crazy...my parents also always say that they pick wrong baby in the Hosp. Maybe the nurse really put me into wrong basket..haha
In the way to the dinner place..my friends say that my parents is so care about me although they might not show it...Sometimes i do tell it to my self ...to make me feel happy or console me......
compare to my brother....i can see a different treatment..
Dunno how many tears have i flow...My dad scold me at my birthday date(my birthday always happen unwanted event)....during chinese new years ...in front of people...slap me...cane , knife , belt be the weapon to hit me..i still can survive until today..MIRACLE
Maybe one day later i know or they realize that the way to fix the problem....i do imagine if i lost my parents...i will feel sad....so ..to make sure i'm not sad..i will die early than them....cause i do think that if they die ..i 'm dying ....i hate anyone around me leave the earth before me...i will be very sad....AMITABHA...please save and take care my dad, mom , brother ,friends around me....i know i don't have the privilege to demand such "wishes"..but..please...THX
Monday, August 4, 2008
GoD!!!!help or SaVe me....
AAAAAHHHHHAHAHHAHHH~~~~~~.I want scream.SCREAM loudly , longly and no one know is me...(swt)...So tired...I'm exhausted already....when only i can let myself go? let me forget or ask for anything?..i know i shouldn't care and ask for more but....
Yesterday i had watch a TVB show call 溏心風暴之家好月圓....（so touch...haha..keep bother my friends to watch..REALLY NICE!!!!.Anyway , my point i s after watch the movie.i learned something ..that make me feel confuse with myself now...Is that correct that the thing that i always ask for?...like friendship...based on the comment that Yan Zheng advice me i guess..it didn't really make me feel better..(sorry jek)
I have think the question for whole night...I still cant get an answer..A answer that can make me comfortable or confirm myself...What i WANT will turn be the question now...WHAT IS WANT?WHAT IT IS???..friendship?relationship with my family members??NGEk...NGEk...wrong...cause dont even know what i want...confuse is the word for this moment...
For an example..one of my friends going or confirm to make a party to celebrate his birthday although that 'fatter' say not..(wajaja..an zheng dun angry call u fatter a...i also fat la...my fault)..
Back to the point...i'm not sure i want yo go or not?...Yes..i 100% want to go...but on the other hand...something block me or disagree me to go...what it is?
I remember i have go to a place where is full with people and those guys.erm...i know them they know me...Anywhere ..i remember the event, the process and the feel when i at there..being alone?erm..more accurately to say is being isolated from those guys and myself....It is not a feel where i think many people experience before....erm...i forgot how am i pass my time at that time..
What i consider now is ....will i being isolated again?ya..i know every people will say that i have to go through it..and i know i should do it by myself...just...nothing...KEK KOK WAH!!!!U CAN DO IT!!!!!GO GO GO..
So SORRY TO YAN ZHENG A...TT...give me few day....few hours........
Yesterday i had watch a TVB show call 溏心風暴之家好月圓....（so touch...haha..keep bother my friends to watch..REALLY NICE!!!!.Anyway , my point i s after watch the movie.i learned something ..that make me feel confuse with myself now...Is that correct that the thing that i always ask for?...like friendship...based on the comment that Yan Zheng advice me i guess..it didn't really make me feel better..(sorry jek)
I have think the question for whole night...I still cant get an answer..A answer that can make me comfortable or confirm myself...What i WANT will turn be the question now...WHAT IS WANT?WHAT IT IS???..friendship?relationship with my family members??NGEk...NGEk...wrong...cause dont even know what i want...confuse is the word for this moment...
For an example..one of my friends going or confirm to make a party to celebrate his birthday although that 'fatter' say not..(wajaja..an zheng dun angry call u fatter a...i also fat la...my fault)..
Back to the point...i'm not sure i want yo go or not?...Yes..i 100% want to go...but on the other hand...something block me or disagree me to go...what it is?
I remember i have go to a place where is full with people and those guys.erm...i know them they know me...Anywhere ..i remember the event, the process and the feel when i at there..being alone?erm..more accurately to say is being isolated from those guys and myself....It is not a feel where i think many people experience before....erm...i forgot how am i pass my time at that time..
What i consider now is ....will i being isolated again?ya..i know every people will say that i have to go through it..and i know i should do it by myself...just...nothing...KEK KOK WAH!!!!U CAN DO IT!!!!!GO GO GO..
So SORRY TO YAN ZHENG A...TT...give me few day....few hours........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
